It was the full moon in the spring of the year before my son's birth and I made a self portrait. Perhaps that moon face is his essence energy, looking through, observing his mother to be. I had lost a baby in the 7th month of pregnancy to a miscarriage the year before and was very much wanting a child. Maybe that's why the moon face is a bit sad.

LEO

My pastels were was done one year before my son's birth, and it could be him, in his full being, preparing to come to me.

This pastel came right after the preceding one. It is clearly the mother waiting, and the spirit of the son jumping into his new body to be, in the spirit form. There is an abstract figure extending from the wings on the mother, with a profile face that merges with the more defined figure.

The sensual world of feeling and the impulse to taking form in a body is felt in this piece. The energy of the father is present here, with a play of involvement setting up the time of conception. The pastels with the ferns were done in a woodland studio, there really were masses of beautiful ferns outside the windows.

A continuation of the theme of the previous pastel, involvement in the physical sexual energies leading to conceiving a child.

Continuation of the fern forest images, at night, with a full moon, one year before the birth.

An inner world fantasy image at the ocean's edge, and the play of the sexuality that led up to the conception. the father is a driving force, going into the sea, and the mother is jumping up and free floating above the waves.

This pastel was done immediately after the time of conception, within a week or so. The mother was not aware yet that she was pregnant, but it is obvious in the picture. You can see the face of the child to be floating above a pool, looking down into the scene below. a guardian angel is on the right, it has caught the swooning incarnating being in it's arms. the hand at the right is reaching for a star.

The sun and the moon are conjoined, symbolizing the conception. Also the form of the symbol of Taurus, which is the sign the child is to be born under. This is a double size piece, on two joined pages of the pastel paper.

It was early September, early fall. This is a landscape from the house where we lived. One angel, or perhaps it is the mother, is on the ground, and a double angel is above. The double image gives the feeling of a spirit leaving it's heavenly abode and coming back down to earth.

MYTHIC MEMORY

The mother still does not know that she is pregnant, but she is already in a protected state. A serpent is in the lake behind her. Perhaps the figures to the left are guardians or ancestral spirits watching over her.

By now there is a feeling that something is happening, but it is not known completely consciously. She is reaching through the waterfall, and the green stone on her finger, from her grandmother, has been lost in the forest.

The title of this pastel was originally "The Lords of Form" By now the mother knows she is pregnant. It is the second month, and the physical form is being determined, emerging. the mother is at the lower right, she is like a mermaid, giving over her body to the coming child, and an angel is pouring the waters of life over her.

The pregnancy is strongly felt by the mother, the baby within is like a form contained within the shape of the mountains, they look like a full pregnant belly. The mother is submerged, her body has been changed and she is not only herself, but a home for a new life.

Now it is December, this was painted on Christmas day. The son to be is seen as a figure in the tree, looking toward a full moon in the sky. It is the beginning of the fourth month.

By the fifth month the mother is feeling as if the ocean is sweeping over her, her body is not her own for the moment, but has been given over to the child. An emerging presence is felt, but not seen, to her right is a womb like encapsulation of the landscape, and the child within is now moving.

It is the sixth month. The image here could be either the mother or the child, it is about the feeling at the time, of being totally immersed in the inner world of the pregnancy. She dreams a lot of flowers, this is appropriate as the baby will come in May.

We are now about the 7th month, and the fully formed being of the child is seen touching down from the heavenly realms, the rocks under his hands are like a mountain top, or they are the cervix, the place in the womb where he will leave and enter the world.

 Getting closer to the time of birth, around the 8th month, the baby is getting larger and there is less room for moving. He is listening with great awareness to the world outside. still in his spirit self, there are wings showing he can still fly free in the spirit realm.

This pastel was done the day before the birth of the child. Notice the small spiral on the forehead. there is a trigger for labor that is a release of a hormone from the area of the third eye. I felt is very clearly and made this picture to show it. also see the spiral over the head, and others up in the sky, plus the spiraling form in the shells.

Just before birth, the fully formed child is just waiting for the right moment to let go of the umbilical cord and flow with the waters of birth out into the world.

Here is the birth, and the moon face we saw before is back, as the spirit essence comes in to the body. this is the first pastel I made after the birth. I started it actually holding my baby on my lap, with the paper turned upright. I could not hold the baby and reach the top, so I turned the paper to it's present position, and continued.

This picture was made from a photograph taken at the birth. the woman was the midwife, but you could also look at her as the spirit guides bringing the baby to the mother. He was born around an hour before noon, and the night before had a thunderstorm.  The moon was big, and full three days later. Notice the sun and moon in the  pastel.

Now we are three, father mother and child. The father in the sky sees him as a full individual. The mother still experiences the space of the womb, and surrounds the small delicate baby, still part of herself.

Now the baby is landed, come down to earth, and feeling his new connection to the body. He is very connected by instinct to the mothers breast, which is like a mountain with inner rivers of milk.

The new baby is on earth, but still very much has links to the father sky, to spirit. The world below is vast, complex, entwined. A full moon is below, a reflection of the previous state of gestation and birth.

Outside in the garden, a portrait of the new little one. the fontanel is still opened of curse, and the image above the head shows this. but you can see by the face that this is someone, that there is a real person already present.

Another portrait, the baby is outside in a small cradle, looking at the world through new eyes.

A few months later, a portrait after a special dream of the mother. the baby's head was like a magnetic pole, perhaps the fontanel was closing or closed, I don't remember. But the dream was strong. In the image is another  full face of a child, and there is a brother to come. The face really looks like he will look when he is born a little over two years later.

 We move along, and leave the place of birth, traveling to another part of the country for a while. the spirit of the child is still getting connected, and the image could be the mother or a spirit helper. Perhaps a mother is both. On her finger is a green jade stone, one she had gotten from her grandmother and lost in the time of conception.

This pastel is larger, done on two sheets of paper joined together. I always called this piece Raphael's Guardian Angel. Maybe it's Raphael as an angel. Perhaps we are all angels, coming through the Divine into the earth life. I knew the name of my child from the very beginning, perhaps as soon as I knew I was pregnant, I just heard it. At first I knew Ra, like the Egyptian sun god. shortly after the name Raphael came through. Raphael means healed by God.